Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Have you ever...

Have you ever had a loss in your life that felt like there was a big gaping empty hole within you?

Have you ever tried to cram that hole with things that could possibly make you feel better, but just doesn't?

Have you ever felt naked, raw, angry, sad, crushed, lost?

Have you ever felt all alone in this world, with people not understanding you?

The hole I have is exposed to the elements.

I have nothing left but to go through the steps of grieving.  I hope I get through them all soon.

Time...yes... I know....time is what it will take.

This is how it feels to lose a friend.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


It's been over a year since I've been here.  I usually take a break when major things go on with my life.  The first time was a major breakdown in my marriage. A year ago, I had a friendship that I adored, go bad. Things are different, sane and on a plateau now.

I'm in need of a brain dump.  My head is filled with too many thoughts right now. It's clouding my ability to think clearly.  Unsure of how I feel right now, since there is too many things to feel.
I feel numb to some things, but it allows the excitement part to come thru.

stopped drinking for 42 days in a row
trained for 12 weeks for 1/2 marathon
ran a 1/2 marathon
felt like i lived at the gym

sometimes giggly
sympathetic for sad friends
sad for plans changing