playdates and loony moms

My son likes to hang out with a classmate, "D".  The last playdate, D came over here.  Colin was supposed to go to their house today, yet here I am listening to Super Mario Bros, and screeching that is loud enough to shatter glass. D's mom said the reason he needed to come over here was because D's dad, that does not live with them, is spending the weekend sleeping at her house.  She said he's leaving for Las Vegas soon and wants to spend as much time as he can with the kids before he leaves.  Hmmmm.  I don't get that.

He doesn't live with them.
They are divorced.
How do you spend time with kids while you're sleeping?

D's Mom talks so fast that I can't keep up.  It's almost as if she took her son's Adderall.  It's amazing to watch, actually.  I've been ignoring her phone calls because I'm not a big fan of D and wasn't up for a playdate.  He used to hit kids in their class.  Why can't my son make new friends?  I've begged him, but it's hard for my socially awkward kid to make new friends.

Hopefully next year, he will have new friends.

I don't belong here.

I think that my Seasonal Affective Disorder has totally won this year.  I swear to you I'm not making this up.  It has been cloudy/rainy/overcast for over a week. This makes me unhappy, depressed and unable to function like a normal person.

I really thought I was winning.  Not in a Charlie Sheen kind of #Winning.  I had trained for a half marathon from the beginning of December to the end of February.  I thought I had it made.  Stupidly, I also thought that the weather would be better in March/April. But no, it wasn't.  Mother Nature had it out for me in a big way, always trying to knock me down with the constant grey days and rain.

My Daughter, Lainey is 4. I've been staying home with her.  I think she's trying to kill me slowly every day.  We have a daily fight about when she's going to eat.  If I give in, then I have a daily fight with her dad about what she eats.  I'm in a no win situation.

I hate where I live.  I hate rural areas.  I live in a rural area. Only two old neighbors that I don't see much.  No trouble, lots of turkeys, deer, and rabbits.  I like to get crazy and have fun.

Today, I spent the day with Ima, (Names have been changed to protect the crazy)  She's my BFF and my Partner in Crime.  We went thrift store shopping.  We ended up in an affluent town that was full of awesomeness.  And by Awesomeness, I mean lots of hipsters, gays, and douches.  Oh yes.  I did.  We shopped a few small shops.  Oh so cute!  The funny thing about Ima and I, is the that she is very much into the to here and now, where I like to dabble in the past.  We went into a vintage shop with tons of vintage dresses, boots, hats and such.  She says, "yeah, this isn't me." I started to laugh,  "I love this place." I chuckled.  Ima and I are a lot alike in many ways, but this is where we differ.  It's cool.  I love her.  For a lot of reasons.

I grew up in the same rural area that I now live in.  I've always had a taste for adventure and loved living in other areas.  I crave living in a "faster pace of life".  I have lived in big cities, such as Phoenix. Phoenix was great to live in, but we lived there for only 3 years.  My husband is the stick in the mud.  He likes where he's at and THAT'S THAT.  I really want to live somewhere else.  Unfortunately, the housing market here sucks so I'll be here for a while, but I'm really holding out for somewhere sunny and fun.  Phoenix, Austin and Denver are all on my list.

Let's see...

Have you ever...

Have you ever had a loss in your life that felt like there was a big gaping empty hole within you?

Have you ever tried to cram that hole with things that could possibly make you feel better, but just doesn't?

Have you ever felt naked, raw, angry, sad, crushed, lost?

Have you ever felt all alone in this world, with people not understanding you?

The hole I have is exposed to the elements.

I have nothing left but to go through the steps of grieving.  I hope I get through them all soon.

Time...yes... I know....time is what it will take.


This is how it feels to lose a friend.

HOLY SHITBALLS

It's been over a year since I've been here.  I usually take a break when major things go on with my life.  The first time was a major breakdown in my marriage. A year ago, I had a friendship that I adored, go bad. Things are different, sane and on a plateau now.

I'm in need of a brain dump.  My head is filled with too many thoughts right now. It's clouding my ability to think clearly.  Unsure of how I feel right now, since there is too many things to feel.
I feel numb to some things, but it allows the excitement part to come thru.

I've:
stopped drinking for 42 days in a row
trained for 12 weeks for 1/2 marathon
ran a 1/2 marathon
felt like i lived at the gym

I'm:
tired
happy
sometimes giggly
sassy
sympathetic for sad friends
sad for plans changing

Life is funny, sometimes.

I believe I have come to a turning point in my life.  I feel like a cloud has been lifted and I am enjoying life even more lately.  I am making some changes (for the better), and damn, if it isn't working in my favor.  Here's a few things that I've come up with.  My new motto is, "if you can't beat them join them".  Which means I've given in to my husband's hobby of biking, racing and what not.  I have signed up for a 5k in May.  I'm not a runner, but would like to complete a 5k before I die.  I hope it doesn't kill me in the process.  So, I guess.... the added exercise is good for me.  Hey, what do you know... exercise is good.  I'm nicer and happier which means everyone else is too.

Another thing... Chuck and I have decided to take a different approach to parenting.  Talking nice and no yelling.  gah... We need to keep reminding each other about that one.  It's not easy, but it's working.

So, there are my "ah-ha" moments so far.  I'll keep you updated on the rest when I have them.

A life less sweet.

My friend Cathy at A life less sweet is having a giveaway.  Dude... it's CHOCOLATE!  Go there now.  She's awesome and I look up to her for getting rid of all things HFCS.  You go Cathy!

Get your buzz on.

Click here if you want to enter a new sex toy.  pretty power tools  Good luck.